Well, hello blog. I almost forgot I had this little space of internet in which to vent my frustrations and thoughts. Since I last wrote here, I've had two children and done a degree, so while numerous blog posts have begun in my brain, they've never had time to translate into the written word. Then along came coronavirus, and suddenly, I - along with billions of others across the world - find myself in what would just a few short months ago, been an unimaginable position, one in which time is suddenly in abundance.
I've been obsessed with reading about coronavirus since initial reports started coming out in January of a strange virus in Wuhan. My anxiety levels about it have been very high, like many others, I've known this was coming. My partner has COPD, meaning he would be at high risk of complications (or death) if he were to catch it. This was what was predominantly occupying my thoughts over the previous months, I was constantly on at my partner to recognise his own status as a 'vulnerable person' in relation to covid-19, saying he must follow the government advice for this category of people once it was released. However for some strange reason (that I'm sure a psychologist could have fun trying to unpick), I never at any point considered myself to be vulnerable. Since the news that people with MS are also classed as vulnerable, this last week has been an emotional rollercoaster as a reality for which I was completely unprepared, despite months of obsessing about covid-19, began to become starkly clear.
On Sunday 15th March, our 6 year old son came down with a random fever, meaning with the advice as it was then, we had to isolate him for 7 days. On Monday 16th March, Boris Johnson gave a press release stating that if anyone in a household had symptoms (namely a fever and/or a new continuous cough), then all members of the household must isolate for 14 days, and that anyone over the age of 70, or with certain pre-existing health conditions, or who is pregnant, must, from this weekend, be 'particularly stringent with social distancing measures'. So in the space of 48 hours, I went from planning to be going out swimming with my kids, seeing family and friends, planning for school trips and events over easter, to being at home for the next 13 weeks. Once I realised MS was on the list of pre-existing conditions, the reality really began to sink in. That meant as a family of four, comprising of two vulnerable adults, a 6 year old and a 20 month old, we all had to stay home, and not see anyone else, not even our closest family. How do you explain that to such young children? That the grandparents they have seen once or twice a week, every week of their lives, they suddenly cannot see for at least 3 months? The thought of my children's inevitable emotional distress was too much to bear, and that evening I broke down in tears as the reality of all of this really hit home. I couldn't sleep at all that night, mainly worrying about what would happen to my MS if I could no longer receive my infusions were the healthcare system to collapse when it became overwhelmed by covid-19 cases.
It is now Thursday (I think? maybe it is Friday?....*checks calender*.... oh yeah, it is Friday) and after a very emotional week, I feel like I am finally turning a corner in terms of being able to maintain a positive outlook; I think a turning point for me in that was confirmation from my MS nurse that I would still be able to receive my tysabri infusions. It is a huge adjustment for all of us, and I've decided that I need to start blogging again to have some kind of outlet for my thoughts, that I previously would have been able to deal with in other ways. So expect to hear more from me in the coming weeks and months, as I go through the ups and downs of this very emotional rollercoaster that is self isolation as a family of four.
