Today I Was Mindful.

Mindfulness is something I've been vaguely aware of for some time. I've known people that have used it and found it helpful, I've had a book about it waiting to be read on my bookshelf for a few years. It was previously recommended to me for helping with depression. I never looked in to it further and my awareness remained vague. Since I've had M.S, it has been a term I've heard more and more and I've heard more and more positive stories from people who have used it. Last summer, I picked up a leaflet in a local pub advertising courses run at the local Buddhist Centre, in there they had a course on Mindfulness for dealing with pain and chronic illness. I toyed with the idea at the time, but the idea never quite grew in to action. 

A couple of weeks ago, I met a friend for lunch in the same pub and they had a new leaflet from the Buddhist Centre. I picked it up, stuffed it in my bag and forgot about it until the next morning when I came across it. I noticed the same course was running starting the next week, so without giving myself time to think and worry about it and talk myself out of it, I picked up the phone and booked it right away. 

The first session was today, and I have to say I am feeling very positive about it. The course is 8weeks, 2.5hours a week and one full day. This course in particular is based on the Breathworks approach and I think it is something that has real potential to help me. Today we covered primary and secondary suffering. The primary being the pain you feel in the body at that time, and the secondary being the resulting thoughts from it. The aim of the course is to accept the primary pain. I was pleased to hear that was the case and that there are no grand claims to be able to make the primary pain vanish. The aim is to change the way we deal with the secondary pain. For example, today I am still in a lot of pain in my legs from the walking involved in the Bus Shenanigans. The pain itself is the primary suffering. The secondary suffering (I don't like the word 'suffering' I might change it) in this case, is a mixture of feelings. I feel proud that I walked so far (hence why I don't like using the word 'suffering' as one umbrella), and yet now I am in pain I am frustrated that just a relatively short distance has had such strong ramifications and I am annoyed the pain is there and wondering how long it is going to stay.
So in that case, with using mindfulness I am hoping to change the way I deal with the 'secondary impact' ('impact' does that work more than 'suffering'? I'm not sure, but I'll go with it for now). 

We also did some breathing exercises and a 'body scan', I found it very difficult to keep my mind in the present, but I am hoping that will come with time and practise. It looks like I certainly shall be practising a lot, we have homework to do, not something I have ever been any good at since I left school. I am however going to give this course my all because I really want to give it the best chance I can.

 Although I don't want to have too many expectations, we wrote down our own personal aims for the course and what we each were hoping to get out of it. I shall share my course aims here and then in 8weeks time, I can look back and see how close I've come to achieving them. 

• To deal better with pain.
• To not worry so much about the future
• To enjoy each moment for what it is and not be caught up in the past or present.
• Be more accepting of self.

 I am normally quite sceptical, or rather cynical actually, but I do try and keep an open mind on things. I am very sceptical of anything that claims to be a miracle cure so I am very happy that this isn't the claim here. This is something that claims no miracles but instead, only to change the way we think in order to get the best out of ourselves and our situations. Although I do actually think that the power of positive thought really is quite miraculous in itself at times. So, from this first session, I have not come away sceptical or cynical, more tentatively hopeful. I am certainly going to give it a good old go, after all, I've paid for it now.