A lot of times M.S is referred to as an invisible disability. This is true. But what actually, do we think of when we think of invisible symptoms, suffering or disability? Tiredness, pains, bladder problems? Yes - all of these are key to an invisible disability. However my thinking on this recently, has turned to the more visible signs of an invisible disability.
I walk in to a pub, I don't look disabled. A look like a 30something (no no Mustard, 20something at a push - oh really, don't, but thanks ;p) woman wearing slightly alternative verging on gothic clothing. To anyone that first meets me, there is of course no physical reasoning for my get up. To others that have known me a long time, they might think I am just craving the emo and slightly gothic youth I toyed with as a youngster. For others, it will be another long string of many changes in the life of 'phase girl'. I change my wardrobe about as often as I change my drink - cider in the summer, lager sporadically, whisky most the time, with a splattering of vodka and gin.
Anyhow, MS has changed my appearance. Not in the way that I am in a wheelchair or walking with a stick or wearing an eye patch - although all these things have happened on occassion (see -phase girl strikes again!). But in more subtle ways.
Everyday I wear layers. Layers layers and more layers. I can't risk getting too hot, or too cold. Either of these things are not necessarily dependant on the outside weather. Because of the fickle nature of MS, I could be sitting outdoors in baking summer heat or in a beer garden in the coldest day of the year, and my body temperature won't agree with that of the surroundings. So no matter what time of year it is, I have to layer my clothes. This naturally leads to different clothing choices. Arm sleeves, cardigans, vest tops, under tops, over tops -and obviously every single one must look perfect as an outfit combination.
Continuing on the layer theme, winter wears bring funky things along such as leg warmers, arm warmers, snoods, hats, fingerless gloves - of course all following a purple theme like most of my accessories, but now that there is more of a call for accessories it looks like I've gone purple crazy.
Then there is footwear. No more are heals appropriate. I'd never been a massive heal wearer pre MS, although had been just getting used to them, especially having a boyfriend who was rather partial to heals! Now, not only are heals out the question - the type of unflattering flats I can wear is also limited. I need a cushioned sole, due to pains in the feet, and so purchased a pair of purple doc martens - highlighting the purple crazy and gothness that layers produced.
So, there I am, wearing layers and doc martners, only to find I can no longer wear jeans or pretty much any trousers - due to the site reactions when injecting copaxone. So I find myself giving in to either linen trousers or leggings. Being a bigger girl (again another thing of the MS but that's a whole other rant)- leggings must be worn with a long top. Being someone who now must wear layers, a long top with layers over leggings brings an inevitable gothic style. Add in the purple doc martens and there you have it.
A totally visible invisible disability.
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